Infraction
by Spoot Poot
Summary: Tony loses it a bit after he fails to get some tech going. Its just a smidge of a crack fic with some Stony stuck in there somewhere.


Spoot: When Plot Bunnies strike!

Tony: Hit them with a hammer.

Steve: Tony no…

Infraction

There was a weird buzzing noise coming from the little trinket Tony was working on. He pulled the tools away and inspected the device. Bruce leaned in as well and pushed up his glasses. Tony blinked in confusion as the little device began to beep. He had to lean in, just a bit more…and that's when it popped…right in his face, filling every inch of his features with oil and soot. Bruce slowly looked to him, expression filled with concern. "You ok?" He asked slowly, to not startle Stark.

There was a giggle…then an outright laugh. "Ooohhhh boy…" Bruce moaned as he backed away from his now hysterical partner. "He's lost it." Tony was laughing so hard he was trembling. This had done it. Seventeen hours of work gone to shit and to him…it was funny…and that was hazardous. "May Day!" He laughed out as he wiped as his face. He showed Bruce his palm then snorted hard, picking up laughter again. The other man looked around then found a shop rag. He began to clean off his partner's face to check for any injury.

Tony wouldn't hold still however. He pushed on his partner and walked off. "FIND ME A HAMMER!" He ordered, using a very odd vocal arrangement. Bruce slowly tilted his head. "What would he need a hammer for?" He asked himself, but got an answer anyway. "Not sure, but I'll investigate." Jarvis spoke. Bruce nodded a slowly, distracted by Tony, watching him wander around the lab collecting odd tools and bits of other failed mechanical objects.

Before long, Banner learned what the hammer was for. Killing a fly that had gotten in. Tony was on the floor…crawling after it…hitting the floor with the hammer once every few seconds. "Tony…what's going on man…is everything ok?" He asked, approaching. Tony looked up at him and the odd goggles he had on took  
Bruce by surprise. Tony looked like an insect his damn self. "I wanna kill this motherfucker with a hammer. I WANNA BE THOR!" That did it. Bruce pulled his phone from his pocket and walked off as he found a contact.

Steve approached and stood to the left of Bruce, crossing his arms. "I think he's having some kind of breakdown." The man said. They were both watching Tony. He was on the floor, but now he was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling in a daze. "Honey…" Steve said, jokingly, at first. But there was no response so he called out again. He looked to Bruce who shrugged. Steve shook his head and approached his partner. He knelt down and waved a hand over his face.

"I like chicken nuggets." Tony said in such a tranquil, surreal voice it had Steve losing balance. He plopped onto his bottom and let his legs sprawl out. "Ok? Well…would you like some? Are you hungry? Is that what this is?" Tony slowly looked to him and pointed up at the spot his eyes once held. "Get some for my buddy here too…" He said softly. Steve had to actually blink a few hundred times to comprehend what was going on. It didn't work unfortunately. He turned a bit and looked back at Bruce. "What…the hell happened?" Bruce shrugged and offered to let Fury handle it.

"Let him work it out." Maria said. They had escorted the troubled man to Fury, but he was out for the day and left Hill in charge. The two composed men seemed unsure about her conclusion. Maria just nodded, communicating the same as they were, silently. She looked to the side then held up her keys. Tony turned his attention to them in a heartbeat. She jingled her keys for him like you would an infant. She looked to the other men as she entertained Stark.

"He's working through something. Sure, it's a total collapse in stability but…" She looked back at him. "He'll get through it, just watch him and keep him out of trouble." She looked back at them. "Oh, and don't let him get in his suit." This got their awareness. They both stood at attention. Steve more so than Bruce, but they were fully invested. She nodded. "With his mind set to Baked Potato…he might get himself killed, guys, so keep an eye on him."

"You mean baby sit him?" Natasha said, leaning on the wall and crossing her arms. She was standing in front of the guys. They had called her and she rushed right over to witness the event. Steve nodded. "That is kinda what Hill said." He muttered, turning attention to his madcap partner. He gasped when he saw the man reaching for the wall remote. "Tony no!" He barked, as if scolding a child. Tony flailed and looked to him. "You don't own me!" He snapped, then looked to Nat. He blinked a few times and eyed her up and down. "Are you high?!" She giggled out. Tony put his hand up. "That's irrelevant you flaming pumpkin!" He barked at her then reached for the remote again.

"TONY!" Bruce barked, causing the man to flail again. "What's the big deal?" Natasha muttered. Both men shook their heads. "That's the remote to Heartbreaker." Steve said, taking the remote for himself and putting it up somewhere high. "That a short joke buddy? Huh? You want some'a'dis?!" Tony put his fists up but all Steve did was make him lower his arms. "If he gets hold of a suit, who knows what might happen. We can't take that risk, do you understand?"

"I say let him go all out. The dude is off his rocker…he needs to stare into the barrel of a gun, piss in the wind…" Both men gave her a look, but Tony took their attention back. "Pretty sure if I were staring into the barrel of a gun, I would be pissing everywhere…" He muttered. He was talking to himself as he inspected Natasha's wrist. She lifted her arm and his eyes followed. She smirked and pulled a zapper from the wrist band and handed it to him.

"TONY NO!" Both men barked, but he already put it in his mouth. Natasha cracked up as she watched Stark fry what was left of his brain. Bruce shot her a look as Steve came to his partner's rescue. "Nat, he's got a heart condition…" Banner muttered to her. "No he doesn't….oh wait, you mean…wait does that actually equal up to a condition?" Steve nodded. He had his finger in his partner's mouth, trying to dig out the zapper orb. "Spit it out…spit-OOOW!"

"Did it get'cha?" She asked. He held up the orb. "No…Tony bit me…you bit me! You know that right?!" Tony was laying there on the floor giggling like an idiot. "He's gone…" Natasha said with a chuckle. "That's what we've been trying to tell you." Bruce barked. "He's not himself! After that last failure, he's been like this. It really took a toll this time…"

"So fix it." She said, causing every man there to look her way. She shrugged. "If it's what made him go crazy then fix it. That should cause him to come back down." Bruce looked to Steve and smiled a bit. Steve didn't share the same enthusiasm. "Who's gunna fix it? Me? I have no idea what anything is in that lab. You can't because it's encoded and only Tony knows the decryption. And Tony can't because…well…" He looked down at the said man.

Tony was taking off his shoes…

"Can we all just…take a second here? Come sit with me. Everyone take off your shoes and come sit with me. We'll each share a secret. I'll go first. I got married once before Steve." He nodded a bit and set his shoes off to the side. "What now!?" His partner barked. He zeroed in on that confession. "You were married?!" Tony looked up and nodded. "Mh, well, yeah." He waved his hand around. "Not to a human." He corrected. "Oh...well that-WHAT?!" Steve barked. The other two people looked to one another then slowly backed out of the room. "Long story short she might have been a horse and I might have been drunk. Come sit with me. It can be your turn." He pat the spot next to him as he looked up. Steve was in shock. "You….married a horse…Tony that's illegal isn't it?!"

"Well not overseas!" Tony barked, making everything alright in his mind. "Oh not overseas…you idiot…" Steve muttered, causing Tony to giggle…like an idiot. Steve put his face in his palm and shook his head. He was muttering grievances to himself when Tony suddenly went quiet. He looked up and panic struck. Stark was nowhere to be seen. This was now a potential threat due to his mental state. One wrong move and he would be public enemy.

Clint heard the noise before Fury did. He hummed a bit as he sat upright and lowered his arm. Something behind him moved right as he turned around. He scanned the area then pulled out an arrow slowly. "Sir…" He warned, getting the boss man's attention. Fury looked to him and took note. He pulled out his own gun and scanned the area. Something fell over and both men took aim with their respective weapons. "Wanda? That you?" Clint muttered.

"Depends." Came a voice over the ear link. "What happened?" She asked. Fury spoke, "Barrel fell over."

"Not me." She said, "Do I gotta come to your rescue?" The joke was meant to be funny but both men were distracted by an Iron Suit coming their way. "Stark? Did I call you?" Fury barked. There was no answer. The suit stopped in front of them and gave them a blank stare. Clint lowered his bow and tilted his head. He reached up and knocked on the faceplate. In a flash a metal hand wrapped around his throat.

Fury fired at the suit to get its attention but ended up getting backhanded to the ground.

"GYAH! STARK! ITS ME! BARTON! TONY!" The suit didn't respond. Something was off. Fury got to his feet and jumped on the suit's back. He latched onto the faceplate and began to pry it off. The faceplate hit the floor, causing the suit to drop Clint.

Both men looked into an empty suit then to each other. "There's no one there…" Clint said in a stupor. Fury narrowed his eye. "Somethin' ain't right. Stark down?" He asked. "How should I know?!" Wanda barked over the link. "His suit just attacked us, but it's calm now."

"So Stark came for you?" She asked. Fury shook his head then spoke, "No, it's a shell. He's controlling it from somewhere…that or he's been compromised."

"My vote is on him being asleep at the wheel." Barton joked. He picked up the faceplate and held it to his face. He turned to Fury and giggled. "Hey, stroke my ego. Tell me I'm pretty. I'm smarter than you!" He mocked, causing Fury to roll his eye. He wagged a finger, however, and spoke. "Not bad though…" This caused Clint to giggle again.

"Where's Stark?!" Nick barked as he busted into the compound. Steve rushed by in a panic. Bruce was pacing around the room running his fingers through his hair. Natasha was huddled in a corner. She had on one of the suit helmets. Fury scanned the room slowly. "What the hell happened here?" He whispered. He approached and took the helmet off her. She screamed and yanked it from him and put it back on. His eye widened and he stood up. "What's going on Tasha, talk to me!" She didn't respond.

"I NEVER WANT KIDS!" Steve screamed as he ran by, dodging fire…literal fire. Nick was confused by this due to the child he actually shared with Stark. "Stark!" He barked, remembering. He walked across the room and grabbed Bruce by the arm. "Where's Tony…" He hissed. Bruce looked to him as his eye twitched. "Tony…?" He said in a sick way. He swallowed hard. Nick backed away as the man's skin began to change color. Before fear could strike…Bruce changed back and plopped over. The Hulk…had refused to come out.

Nick looked around then decided to follow the fire, stupidly. He turned the corner and took boxers to the face. He let out a yelp then yanked the underpants from his face, only to take a fist to the nose promptly. He shook his head hard then looked up. "That was a cheap shot Stark, you got my blind side." Tony held up his fists again. He was naked and standing in front of a bonfire. Fury held his hands up slowly. "Put…your hands…down."

"YOU PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN!" Tony barked as he got into position to strike. Fury complied and lowered his hands slowly. "You're going to burn this place down unless you put that out…" He said calmly. That wouldn't ease Tony. He called part of his suit. He shoved his hand inside the gauntlet then grabbed up a burning object and hurled it toward the other man. Fury ducked then stood upright. "You gunna tell me what's going on?" He barked.

"Couldn't calibrate the nanotech…" Tony said simply, sounding sane for a moment. He threw another burning object at Fury, striking him in the side. "HAH! CATCH!" He sang out. Fury doubled over and grunted. He slapped the fire off his coat then stood upright. He reached for Stark, but the man blocked him with his arm. They danced like that a moment then Fury lost patients. He kicked Tony's legs out from under him then knocked him out with a fist.

Steve covered his partner's lap with a throw blanket from the couch. Tony was out cold and confined to the sofa with anything they could find to tie someone up with. There was even jump rope in there somewhere. Bruce leaned in and pat the man's cheek but got no response. Instinctively, however, he recoiled in fear. "He doesn't even know where he is." Steve said softly, petting the man lovingly. He sat next to him and put his head on the other man's shoulder.

"What the fuck…happened here?" Nick barked as he crossed his arms. Bruce looked to him and began the story from the lab, to ten minutes before Fury came to the rescue. Stark had finally reached a point of no return. His antics were no longer goofy. Something had upset him and he went on a warpath. Steve looked up at Fury and shrugged a bit. "One minute he's giggling…the next he's gone." He said. Nick nodded and told them about the attack suit that came for his team an hour before.

There was a mumble that caused everyone to avert attention. Tony lifted his head as he opened his eyes. Everyone watched in anticipation. He looked around in confusion. "Please tell me nobody kissed me…" He muttered, looking to Steve. "I mean, not unless they wanted to…" His smile put everyone at ease. "You had me so worried." Rodgers said softly as he snuggled up to his partner.

"Why am I naked-Dorito…what did you do-DO I SMELL FIRE?!" Everyone was calm now and almost amused. "Well, he's back." Bruce said simply as he walked away. Tony looked around at everyone in a panic. "Back? Where the fuck did I go?!" Steve put a hand over his mouth but nothing more. "You went to god damn lala land!" Fury barked. "Lit the place on fire, sent a suit on the attack…poor Tasha has PTSD now…and let's not forget…you failed to synthesize the nanotech."

"I failed to…synth..nano…what?" Steve looked to his partner in worry. Scared this would set him off. "What are you talking about? All I need to do is calibrate the containment unit then, redirect power. Simple." Everyone jerked around to look at him and he shrugged. "Now let me go. I gotta get back to work." Fury looked to Steve at the same time as said man. "Is he for real?" He barked. Steve just chuckled. "I'll be damned…Hill was right." Fury held up a finger and narrowed his eye. "Shut up…before she hears you."

Spoot: This looks like a good place to stop. So…THE END!

Tony: Now I wanna get naked….what? No one gunna stop me?

Steve: Nope! Have at it.


End file.
